If there’s one thing parents can count on, it’s that someone on the internet will have strong opinions about how they raise their kids—especially when it comes to sleep.
Because let’s be real: sleep is survival when you’re a parent. Maybe your toddler has decided 3 a.m. is a great time to chat about dinosaurs, or your baby believes naps are for quitters. Whatever the case, sleep isn’t just a parenting topic—it’s the topic.
When TikTok creator @casseyraebly, a mom of three, shared a video of her massive family bed—two queen mattresses pushed together—parents on the internet had thoughts.
The video, now viewed over 1.1 million times, was meant to show a simple bedroom reset. Instead, it turned into a full-blown debate about co-sleeping, independence, and whether a bed that big is genius or just asking for bedtime chaos.
@casseyraebly The only room I can clean right now so here we go 🤍🤍🤍 #reset #cleantok #cleanwithme #familybed #cosleeping #bedsharing #megabed #sahm @koalaeco ♬ rihanna breakin dishes speed up – idk
Some parents loved the idea. @Sky Lavergne gushed, “It’s the safest place for them, and my kids rather it than their own bed most nights. My best friends for life ❤️” while @Jannai💕 shared, “We call ours superbed 🥰… problem solved! Endless snugs.”
Others weren’t so sure. @Nah Brah: “Your kids need privacy. You need privacy… this is absolutely encouraging a codependent and unhealthy relationship.”
The family bed debate is just one piece of a much larger conversation about how families sleep best—and, more importantly, what research actually says about co-sleeping.
Related: What’s the difference between co-sleeping and bed-sharing?
Co-sleeping: a cultural and historical perspective
While some American parents see co-sleeping as unconventional, it’s been around for a very, very long time—think ancient civilizations, not just modern parenting trends. Research published in Sleep Medicine Reviews confirms that bed-sharing and co-sleeping have been practiced for centuries, with families across the globe sleeping in close proximity for warmth, protection, and ease of caregiving.
A 2022 OnePoll survey found that 88% of parents with children under 10 have co-slept at some point, with many citing bonding, better sleep, and breastfeeding convenience as their primary reasons.
One commenter, @user1386880236705, echoed this sentiment, saying, “Laughing at the comments as a South Asian. In our cultures, it’s encouraged to co-sleep with our babies.”
Cultural norms around sleep vary widely. In many Western societies, independent sleep is often framed as a milestone for confidence and autonomy.
Which brings us to the big question: Is it safe?
What experts say about safe sleep
The American Academy of Pediatrics (AAP) strongly advises against bed-sharing with infants under one year old, as it increases the risk of Sudden Infant Death Syndrome (SIDS), suffocation, and entrapment.
Instead, the AAP recommends room-sharing:
- Keep the baby in the same room but on a separate sleep surface (crib, bassinet, etc.).
- Aim to room-share for at least six months, ideally up to one year.
- This can reduce SIDS risk by up to 50%.
At the same time, the AAP acknowledges that real-life parenting doesn’t always go as planned. Exhaustion is real, and many parents unintentionally fall asleep with their baby while feeding or comforting them. While there is no way to make bed-sharing completely risk-free, the AAP offers guidance for situations where it may occur—not as an endorsement, but to help parents make informed choices.
To reduce risks, the AAP recommends:
- If you doze off while feeding or holding your baby, place them back in their crib or bassinet as soon as you wake up
- Use a firm, flat sleep surface
- Keep pillows, blankets, and soft bedding away from the baby
- Avoid bed-sharing in situations that increase risk, such as if parents have smoked, consumed alcohol, taken sedatives, or are extremely fatigued
The AAP also strongly warns against falling asleep with a baby on a couch, armchair, or other soft surface, as these environments significantly increase the risk of suffocation and entrapment.
A different perspective on co-sleeping
While the AAP’s recommendations prioritize separate sleep surfaces, some researchers and experts offer a different perspective on co-sleeping.
Some researchers argue that when done safely, co-sleeping may have benefits. A study published in Sleep Medicine Reviews suggests that in cultures where co-sleeping is common, SIDS rates are actually lower than in Western nations where solitary sleep is prioritized. Researchers propose that differences in sleep practices, such as firmer sleep surfaces, breastfeeding, and closer parental monitoring, may contribute to this trend.
Similarly, pediatrician Dr. William Sears, a proponent of attachment parenting, has argued that when done carefully, co-sleeping can enhance infant safety. He suggests that parents who co-sleep may be more responsive to their baby’s needs throughout the night, helping regulate breathing and body temperature.
Experts acknowledge that while safe sleep is the priority, the best arrangement is ultimately one that keeps both baby and parents well-rested and supported.
What about bed-sharing beyond infancy?
But what about families who continue bed-sharing after the baby stage? While the AAP focuses on infant safety, research suggests that co-sleeping with older children may not have the negative effects some assume.
A study published in Pediatrics examined the long-term effects of mother-child bed-sharing in toddlerhood and found that there was no direct negative impact on children’s behavior or cognitive development at age 5. The study suggests that any observed differences in outcomes were more closely tied to family sociodemographic factors (such as income level and maternal education) rather than bed-sharing itself.
A study published in Infant and Child Development titled “Co-sleeping: Help or hindrance for young children’s independence?” examined how different sleep arrangements impact independence. The findings? Kids who co-slept from infancy were actually more self-reliant in social situations—like dressing themselves or making friends—compared to those who slept alone. However, children who started co-sleeping later due to sleep struggles tended to wake up more often and had a harder time sleeping independently.
In short, whether co-sleeping encourages or hinders independence depends on the child and the circumstances. What works for one family might not work for another—and that’s okay.
Related: This family’s huge co-sleeping bed is the internet’s new favorite thing to comment on
The internet had…other questions
Of course, one of the most frequently asked questions was: Is it difficult to have intimacy with a family bed arrangement?
Bly reassured her followers, “Not at all 💗”, and when asked more bluntly, she replied, “We go somewhere else in the house. Anywhere else lol.”
Still, some parents in the comments weren’t convinced. @Dybeldoes shared, “I need personal space and alone time, so my children slept in their own rooms. It led to such a calm lifestyle for all of us.”
Making the best choice for your family
Ultimately, parents need to make informed decisions about all facets of their children’s sleep with the help of their pediatricians. The AAP encourages open and nonjudgmental conversations between doctors and families about sleep practices, ensuring that parents feel supported in making the best choices for their unique circumstances.
As @Reagan Smith put it, “Some of these comments are not it! Doesn’t work for you? Okay. But it does for the person that posted it. Moms need to stop judging other moms.”
At the end of the day, sleep is deeply personal. The best sleep setup? The one that works for your family—and keeps everyone safe, rested, and happy.
Sources:
- Co-sleeping, an ancient practice. National Library of Medicine. Co-sleeping, an ancient practice: issues of the past and present, and possibilities for the future.
- Most parents prefer co-sleeping with children. NY Post. Most parents prefer co-sleeping with children — but reveal the cost.
- How to Keep Your Sleeping Baby Safe. American Academy of Pediatrics. How to Keep Your Sleeping Baby Safe: AAP Policy Explained.
- Recommendations for a Safe Infant Sleeping Environment. American Academy of Pediatrics. Evidence Base for 2022 Updated Recommendations for a Safe Infant Sleeping Environment to Reduce the Risk of Sleep-Related Infant Deaths.
- How Cosleeping Can Help You and Your Baby. University of Berkeley. How Cosleeping Can Help You and Your Baby.
- Co-Sleeping Disagreements Between Parents. Ask Dr. Sears. Co-Sleeping Disagreements Between Parents.
- Mother-Child Bed-Sharing in Toddlerhood. Journal of Pediatrics. Mother-Child Bed-Sharing in Toddlerhood and Cognitive and Behavioral Outcomes.
- Co-Sleeping: Help or Hindrance. Wiley InterScience. Co-Sleeping: Help or Hindrance for Young Children’s Independence?
