Navigating puberty and the many bodily changes that occur isn’t necessarily the easiest, most straightforward part of parenting, even among those who consider themselves to be pretty chill otherwise. One mom recently asked Reddit whether or not she should be buying her 9-year-old a training bra, arguing that she doesn’t “need” one just yet. But fellow commenters came through with some encouraging, thoughtful responses to her question, explaining why her daughter might feel more comfortable wearing one.
The mom explained that her fourth grader has been “begging” her for a training bra, though she feels that because her daughter has not developed breasts yet, that she is hesitant to shop for one. Noting that her daughter is an only child, “I feel like sometimes she acts more grown up than she really should because she spends a lot of time around adults,” she says. “She’s always asking about when she’ll get her period and other things that she sees me have.”
“I am very open with her about all questions and have no problems answering,” she continues. “I’m just so worried she’s trying to grow up too fast and getting a training bra is going to reinforce that it’s ok to do things at an earlier rate than necessary. But maybe this isn’t a big deal?”
Since some of her daughter’s friends already wear training bras, she wonders if she’s “overthinking it,” and wanted to get some advice from fellow parents who have already gone through the preteen/early puberty stage.
Commenters reminded OP why even if she doesn’t feel her daughter “needs” a bra, that she simply might feel more comfortable wearing one, especially if she’s changing in gym class or other activities around others.
“In 4th grade I wanted a bra but my mom wouldn’t buy me one because I was flatter than flat,” shared one person. “I wanted one because ALL the other girls had one and when we changed for gym class I was self conscious. I’m 37 now and I STILL think about how my mom could have spared me some embarrassment by just buying me a bra. Sports bra. Training bra. Anything would have been better than nothing.”
“My daughter is absolutely rail thin and flat and has had training bras for a few months,” added another. “I realized that while none of her friends were probably going thru puberty they wear them under shirts for sports and dance and my daughter wanted to fit in. It’s weird still to me that she wears them but if it makes her feel like she fits in better then so be it. She’s also 9 and going into 4th grade.”
“I absolutely agree with this,” echoed yet another. “I wasn’t flat flat at this age and could have used a training bra, but regardless of if I could have or not, all the other girls had one when changing for gym and I didn’t and it was VERY embarrassing. I think you’re very, very much overthinking this.”
Others noted that along with simply feeling more comfortable around others, breast development could bring pain or soreness when rubbing up against the fabric of her shirts, which a training bra could help alleviate. And even if the “real” reason is only because she wants to feel more grown up, there’s nothing wrong with that either—helping your child feel confident in their skin, however you can, is always a parenting win.
Thankfully, it seems like OP is already on board. In the comments, she noted that she already ordered some training bras for her daughter, adding, “I love my daughter and my most important job is raising her to be a confident, kind and most importantly happy young woman.” In response to another user, she noted, “I speak life into her any chance I get because much like you, I didn’t have anyone to do that for me.”
